its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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