Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
