It was confusing and full of hummus
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
