I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
