ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
