I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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