I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
