How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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