You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
