I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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