Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Randomize
