Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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