I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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