You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He felt like a one man threesome
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
