i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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