she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
