The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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