dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
