He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
