Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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