your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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