U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
