i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
