Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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