im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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