I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
