I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
