Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
