Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
