Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
