Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
