Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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