So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
