I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
