remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
