Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
