Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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