I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
