shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
her vagine was all disorganized.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Someone came in the potted fern
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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