I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
