based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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