I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
