went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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