I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No subtext here. People are naked.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
