The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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