im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
