I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
