bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
