Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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