really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
