you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
