I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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