Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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